Dear Book Buyer:

No, we do not have any 'how-to' art technique books on how to trace.

Dear Book Buyer:

No sir, we don't have any Murphy Brown episode guides. This is the 2nd time this week you've called. Nothing new about Murphy Brown. Nope. That's what the internet is for.

Dear Book Buyer:

Yes sir, the Zombie Survival Guide is indeed kept in the Humour section, even though you clearly believe the zombie apocalypse is a very, very serious matter.

Dear Book Buyer:

I understand that there's an internet cafe in the bookstore, but that doesn't mean I'm a computer tech, or that I'm willing to introduce you to the world wide web. And no, I'm not sure how to verify if your e-mail, with the subject line "PISSED OFF," actually reached Oprah.

Dear Book Buyer:

Thank you for letting me know that someone made a "pee-pee" beneath the men's urinal. We are, however, grown adults, and that means you don't need to use the term "pee-pee."

Dear Book Buyer:

I understand that the lock on the stall in the men's washroom is broken. However, it is not in my job description to lurk in the bathroom, standing guard while you take a shit.

Dear Book Buyer:

No, we do not have a book that explains if you'll need to wear a hospital gown when you visit the infectious disease specialist.

Dear Book Buyer:

Though astronomy and science fiction do share common themes, they are in fact two separate subjects.

Dear Book Buyer:

Yes, even if you're calling a local number, you still have to pay in order to make a call. It's a payphone.

Dear Book Buyer:

I'm sorry you're disappointed with our selection of essential oils. We are, however, a book store.

Dear Book Buyer:

Thank you for pointing out to me that the book title "Focus on Canada" makes you think "Fuck ass on Canada."

Dear Book Buyer:

No, Thesaurus is not a brand-name of dictionary. A thesaurus and a dictionary are two different things.

Dear Book Buyer:

It's a trilogy, not a triology.

Dear Book Buyer:

No, I do not think all of the new release pocket books were written by Artificial Intelligence.

Dear Book Buyer:

When I am helping you find a book, and Carole King happens to be playing on the sound system, please refrain from singing along in an off-key falsetto.