Dear Foot Fetishist:

You never buy any books. You just ogle lady-feet, get all sweaty and red-faced, while pretending to read whatever book is in reach. You do this multiple times a week, and you've been acting like an all-around sketchbag for years. Please, get a new fetish that doesn't require you to leave the comfort of your own home. Or at least get a hobby. Macramé perhaps? Friendship bracelets? Anything!