Dear Book Buyer:

Well, we don't carry books by penguins, but we do have books from Penguin Publishing.

Dear Book Buyer:

No, works similar to Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass will not be located in the gardening section.

Dear Book Buyer:

Please don't try and convince me that Tolstoy has a book called Peace & Love from Russia.

Dear Book Buyer:

Thanks for pointing out the difference in price between the Canadian dollar and the American dollar. Also, thank you for explaining to me that our dollar is nearly on par with its American counterpart. However, please try to wrap your head around the fact that at the end of my shift, I actually leave the bookstore and venture out into this crazy land we call Earth. Once I'm outside in the world, there is a fair chance I'll either read a newspaper or magazine, watch television, or surf the web, ie: I have a working knowledge of the economy's existence, and you're not the first dipshit who has tried to explain it to me. Also, I work in a bookstore, not a cave on Mars. Also, your mustache is perverted.

Dear Book Buyer:

No, the sign that reads "30% off Dummies Books" does not mean that all of our books are on sale. It means that the "Dummies" books are 30% off. Mercy, this one is just too easy...

Dear Book Buyer:

No, I'm fairly certain that Nina Simone wasn't a man.

Dear Book Buyer:

You want a specific poetry collection & the only info you have is that the poems are sentimental. Please be more vague.

Dear Book Buyer:

The elevator is not a bathroom.

Dear Book Buyer:

No, I will not read you a pancake recipe over the phone so that you can make breakfast on this fine Saturday morning.

Dear Book Buyer:

Just because you walk around telling everyone you're a dentist doesn't mean I believe you. No, you can't examine my teeth.

Dear Book Buyer:

Sir, I know the buxom ladies on the fantasy novels are titillating, but please don't motorboat your girlfriend in the SciFi section.

Dear Book Buyer:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "it's got a blue cover" is not helpful info when you're looking for a book.

Dear Book Licker:

Sir, please don't lick the books.